Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Random Observations in NYC

1.) In the subway the other day, a rotund/obese middle-aged white man in navy blue Dickies, translucent white shirt, suspenders, VA cap and chunky resin glasses waltzed into the train and started singing in perfect 1950s timbre:

When women are frustrated, you must have sex with them.

He repeated himself in this perfect classic piano bar intonation. A doubly large black woman seated nearby, who was eating Wise chips from a large bag (I'm not kidding!) shook her head and responded:

Nu-uh. Not true.

It was like a beautiful little duet the universe had unfolded for an audience of commuters. God, I love New York City.

2.) A while ago, my Korean-American friend accused me of being WASP-y when I said I hated being asked how much I made. I added, it was tacky. Recently I complained about a new question I get asked lately, which she also said was me being WASP-y. The question:

So how do you know (insert name of someone mildly more important than you)?

An even more tactless form of this question I've been asked:

How do I get to know (insert name of someone mildly more important than you)?

Trust me here guys. This will be in some publicists handbook soon. So start now. Don't ask how or why I know people. If you have to ask, as Louis Armstrong once said, you'll never know...

3.) There is a kind of woman I meet at parties lately: The Dater Betty. She's like a skater betty -- which as most of you already know, is someone who gets skater community cred or skater community poser cred by default of dating a skater. They learn all about the scene and soon they are talking the talk. Myself having sort of been a skater betty once for a flash in the pan, I can add that once you break up with the skater, you stop caring about the scene. Pretty much, altogether.

The Dater Betty is someone who like the skater bettery, is pretty "whatever" about "the scene." If the scene is "NY dating," Dater Betty secretly believes in true love, she believes in marriage, probably thinks about weddings and wants kids. But a Dater Betty, i.e. poser hedonist, dates Cassanovas and pretends she loves the heartache of non-monogamy and mornings spent alone. She talks about all her non-attachment, and her total indifference, and complete disdain for the traditional relationship, because her man's a douchebag.

4.) Men feel small next to the words "black man." Even black men.


Anonymous said...

It works if I masturbate, don't understand why that black woman went no for sex.

Anonymous said...

Louis Armstrong!? How do you.. I mean I mean How do I get to know Louis Armstrong!? We're talking Satchmo, right? oh wait wait, while I'm at it, How old are you? (cause you know Satchmo?) and How much do you make?

Anonymous said...

Some black men are really big in size so if they feel small, they probably feel like a regular sized guy. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of a regular sized (nudge nudget... you know) man.

Deborah said...

Now I know why you know so much about Japan but prefer to stay in New York, even though, maybe, you could have made more money here. I was here a zillion years before I realized all the questions people asked me were actually rude in real life Japanese society, and that's why I had trouble getting along with some people--I asked rude questions. Doing as the Greeks--not always a good idea.

ill iterate said...

dang Jimmy. you are the king of making me feel small. does that make us both black men?

as for rude questions in Japan, I still don't think I understand social mores there completely, but it's all the same, since everyone I do business with there expects me to be obnoxiously American.

Anonymous said...

This is pretty banal...Your other posts have been significantly above this in quality.