Thursday, December 3, 2009

Not Everybody All At Once Now

This whole Tipping Point thing is starting to bother me only now. Probably because of Facebook and Twitter, where people don't seem to get that originality can still sort of matter. I know I'm presuming a lot of my own uniqueness in making such an accusation. And I guess that makes me a useless piece of shit, or whatever Gladwell calls us.

I'm hearing the same insults and same coinages from all sides lately. You know, like when three people tell you about the same obscure children's book in one day? Or when did everyone decide they were "waxing philosophical"? I haven't used the word "wax" since the Karate Kid and I'm pretty sure that, like anal sex, doesn't count. These are not Gladwellian tipping points, granted. It's just "we're all mindless sheep molded by the same laptop BTUs" to notice the same Facebook-status-sized snippets of wit. Does everybody know what I'm talking about? Are these observations watermarked into Starbucks Frappuccino rewards cards?

Here are some observations on observations I would tweet but for the fear of becoming just another observation. Figure a blogroll makes it more meta.

You do know that this won't make it the first shitty movie Hollywood ever made, right?
"Babies" is this year's "Snakes on a Plane"

Your hands look stupid on green felt
Poker fetish today is what Chess fetish was in the 90s, except a lot less deserving.

Who does he play for again? Oh right, I don't care.
Ironic fans of shitty sports teams: No need to tell us who won. That defeats your purpose.

"I will love you for an extended period of time"
There was a time (ten years ago in the Bay Area, five years ago in New York) when any white guy with any Asian girl was labeled "Asian fetish," but you can't by all rights call it an "Asian fetish" if said Asian owns John Mayer's entire catalog and buys all her clothes at Mervyn's, now can you? Calling that a "fetish" that is like saying Thousand Island dressing is an exotic Caribbean chutney, and frankly it's insulting to a lot of us Asian women who have been dying our skin white and dimpling our eyelids with surgical tools and buying John Mayer albums... Let's just not talk about "Asian fetishes" again until Donny Osmond marries a transvestite Gamelan dancer.

1 comment:

Daniel Littrell said...

When you get back I have to take you to this great, underground, old-timey bar in Williamsburg. I've been growing my stash out in preparation.