via They Left Ghosts

What do I do with my books?

I have hundreds of books I’ve recently decided to get rid of. More accurately, I’m getting rid of approximately half of my inventory. The half that made my library a plenary wall of colors. Science fiction was cheaper than art, and memoirs were slightly more sophisticated than plastic wood. Not anymore.

So I’m willing to give some of it away, for the sake of convenience. I won’t sell off my stoop because I am scared of my stoop. But if anyone has bright suggestions, I’m all ears.

What do I do with my books?

Adventures in Copywriting

My friend Nancy* is taking a copywriting class. Not because she doesn't know how to write copy, but because it might help her find work.

I asked her what she was learning. Not because I don't know what copywriting is, but because I can't imagine how it's taught. Priceless slogans aren't engineered, you know. I was on a twelve hour drug binge when I suddenly came up with "Just Doing It" but some DB accounts guy thought it had more "punch" in the command form. The rest is, as they say, history, which is better known as Nike in the world of advertising.

Anyway, since the statute of limitations on some of my rejected ad copy has passed, and because my blog has always been about shitty plays on words, if nothing else, AND because I'm bitter as all get out, here without further ado:

Fuck off I'm plenty good at writing. My copy would kill your copy in a wrestling match. You just don't see any of it because people don't "get" my "process," "technique" or "skills."

Project No. 1: American Dental Association, Pediatric Development Campaign.

My rejected copy: Only pedophiles like kids without teeth. Don't be a pedophile.

Their response: A restraining order.

Project No. 2: YouTube-Japan.

My rejected copy: Broads cast the yourself.

Their response: A bunch of mis-spelled racist comments written in SMS-ese, and 100 thumbs down.

Project No. 3: Shiseido for Men.

My rejected copy: That's what Shi seido.

Their response: "You know we're marketing this to gay men, right?"

Project No. 4: Viagra.

My rejected copy: Thank you. Come again.

Their response: "No."

*Nancy is a made up name to protect the identity of my friend Tom Cruise. In fact, all of this is made up to protect Tom Cruise.