Tuesday, April 15, 2008

what's a blog if you can't keep it up?

A flaccid blog is a useless one.

I started blogging thinking I'd make some real impressions on the world. I pictured myself doing more over-the-shoulder winking at my readers, more "looking over the top of my sunglasses" at you sexy thangs. But these days, if I'm ever looking over my shoulder, it's only to examine how fat my ass has gotten. And sexy thangs? Let's just say you don't need sunglasses where the sun don't shine...wait, that sounds like I'm looking up your anus. That's not what I meant...ohyouknowwhatimean.

So I've decided my blog has ED. And this Spring will be the wet towel workout it needs. I'm stepping out of my dark corner! I'm casting off my shame shroud! (The salt in my tears burned holes through it anyhow.)

I suppose I've said this before, and the promise/threat to do a blog makeover is a more consistent blog theme than anything I've done before, but enough! (Anne casts her hands out like she's in Showgirls) Enough of this false modesty!

You see, if I was faking blogasms before it was because I was saving myself for paying work, but surprise surprise, original writing pays shit, if you can get the work in the first place. I won't blame anyone for this. Just my own laziness and possible lack of any redeeming writing qualities. [I don't want to sell myself short either. I have been getting work. Just not any feedback.]

And all this doubt! No! No I say. The worst thing you can do to yourself as a writer is DOUBT. Writers, don't doubt yourselves. So that pop culture magazine doesn't want to publish your theory on Kanye West as the anti-Christ... I hear Reader's Digest is always hiring?

Anyway, I found myself running back into Comfort Corner, where translating and copy-editing paid so much better. Both are valid courses of work. However, I was taking my service assignments at the expense of creativity. "F___ creativity," I started saying.
That's right, I just said FUDGE. (Anne shakes head at image of herself doing Showgirls hands.)

Nothing sucks as much for the preternaturally bored as giving up creative pursuits, even if they end up being nothing more than a hobby. (Pulling in Showgirls hands into fists crossed at my heart) Don't ever give up.

So for starters, the new blog makeover will involve suffering you the injustice of more

ORIGINAL WRITING!
Don't worry though. It's just love poems and folk songs...I mean uh, biting criticism of the status quo and a hilarious tell-all of the rough-and-tumble world of twenty-something singles in South Brooklyn...

OKOK, I know no one gets anything out of my writing...unless you're a jilted ex-boyfriend who discovers himself cleverly disguised as "the pedantic but curious musician." (But don't let that fool you either. I've just described half of New York.)

So what's in this for Number Two (i.e. you)?

CONTESTS!
YeeeaaAAAaa2222y~

I'll figure out an interesting reward scheme later, but let's keep it simple for now.

Enter to win an original Anne Ishii t-shirt design (one of the two below) and pen.
That reads "Maine/I wanna live there forever. I 'm going to learn how to fly (fish)!"


To celebrate the coming election, I thought it'd be great to recall the great elections of youths past. Our own class presidential campaigns from yonder single-digit ages. Didn't someone always have a clever acronym of their name? So here's The Contest:

Step 1. Send me your best acronym for the word: DRUGS. Here is an admittedly bad example:

Doing
'Roids.
Uterus-like
Goiter.
Semen...gone.

Step 2. I'll post all entries in a week and we'll pick a winner. I don't care how we pick the winner at this point, as it may only be two entries.

Step 3. Winner can send me a shirt they want printed on, or get a randomly assigned old rag. I'll return the shirt with other goodies.

Step 4. Repeat at some point in near future.

10 comments:

Sach said...

Did Reefer Until i Grooved with Steely dan

Anonymous said...

haha. Well, shit. I can't beat that.

-Eric

Deborah said...

[I don't want to sell myself short either. I have been getting work. Just not any feedback.]

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!! I love your writing by the way, Anna, but as someone who has worked for a publisher, you MUST know it is not in the best interests of anyone who has to pay you (or negotiate payments) to give you good feedback.

I don't want your old shirts, except to wipe off tears of laughter, but don't give up quite yet! (Can we have a big round of applause for the cast at the end of Showgirls?)

David said...

Doped Regularly Until Gangrene Surfaced

Anonymous said...

or... Doped Regularly, Ultimately Gonads Shriveled

Carmel Daniel said...

Driving
Recklessly
Under
Gold
Schlager

Ed Sizemore said...

Not sure if multiple entries get me disqualified, but here it goes.

Don't Repent Unless God Says

Dangerous Response Urges Getting Stronger

Dancing Raining Umbrella Gene Sings

Dinosaurs Really Upset Gaint Snowfall

gerryinpdx said...

Damned Rand Upsets Grumpy Socialists

sarah b. said...

my first pass. enjoy the contradiction:

Don't Rape Underage Girls, Scumbag!

Don't Rest Until Girl Submits.

sarah b. said...

my first pass. enjoy the contradiction:

Don't Rape Underage Girls, Scumbag!

Don't Rest Until Girl Submits.