Monday, June 2, 2008

Anne waxes waxful

I had an accidental realization the other day, in the midst of waxing waxful about waxing.

Friends have told me about the things they think they need to do before they die, and frequently it includes new sexual experiences, at the expense of something "steady," and "stable." The irony being of course (and here's the realization):

If you are too eager for new experiences, you will eventually be painfully nostalgic for old ones.

And because I have nothing else to blog about today...
And because gossiping about gossiping about relationships (sic) is usually a billion times more interesting than the relationship itself...
And because I think it's entertaining...

I am sharing some ridiculous stories from the past, without any nostalgia, to redeem the victims of "I want to see other people."

Episode 1:
I'm making out with a guy for the first time in my life. I can't tell if I like it or not, but the boy certainly does. At one point I went to the bathroom and when I come back, the boy neglects to inform me he's just coughed a loogie into his mouth, as I take a huge risk and dive mouth first into more make out action. That was the first time I "swallowed."

Later, we both feel kind of bad for me, but I think he knows this means I'm for real. He asks if I want to take my clothes off (he said something else, but I'll keep it sort of PG for now). I say no, and not moments later, he says, "I don't think this is going to work out. I mean, I want to be with someone who's not afraid to show me she loves me."

We are fourteen.

Episode 2:
I'm in France. Things are wildly romantic, if only because they're wildly foreign. Beer with lunch? A smoker's lounge inside the high school?

I am making out with a cute French boy those days. He admits he thinks cunnilingus is disgusting. I figure he can learn otherwise with time. He actually convinces me that oral sex is wildly unromantic. (And in his defense, he didn't like fellatio.)

One day I go to the movies with said boyfriend and his friends. We're seeing "Lord of the Rings" (2002). My boyfriend insists we sit in the back. And somewhere between Sam drowning and Frodo saving him, the boyfriend takes my hand and places it on his exposed, erect, penis.

Wildly romantic.

3 comments:

Jimmy! said...

These are sexy mishaps.

Tom Spurgeon said...

Sean Astin = Boners. If you start chanting "Rudy" at a dinner party, I can guarantee you none of the guys will stand up for the next 20 minutes.

ill iterate said...

LMAO
Rudy!!
(I'm trying this at MoCCA Art Festival this weekend, Tom)