Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Pretend Expo America -- PEA

In honor of publishing and business, I thought I'd post a "report" on the latest Book Expo America that took place in Los Angeles this year (much to many a New Yorker's alternate joy and dismay). These are the events bloggers thrive on, after all. I remember...oh, I do remember.

Pretend Expo America (PEA)
Day 1
Big news announcement of the day: Purpose House says they're consolidating their men's and women's lite fiction imprints, responding to the bloggerati's incessant criticism that they were "putting the cock before the egg" by giving the men's line longer, healthier, more productive release schedules. The new hybrid-imprint will keep its "maiden" name -- Ovation.
Questions surround the consolidation of management; a major concern being the role of executive editor, which had been filled through a proverbial revolving door over the past three seasons, due to epoch-making controversies -- Phinneas Dong's memoir snafu, Ubiquify Jones' "Oprah's pussy" interview debacle. Ovation has however, announced it will work with this unplanned "revolving door" schedule, making a virtue of necessity. President of Ovation, Pat McGrady, called their new management hierarchy a Rhythm Method-based structure, avoiding legal accountability and liabilities by pulling out responsible editors before any one title gets to the top ten of any category.
The men's health imprint, Y Not, will continue to publish short stories at a fast clip, keeping up an ambitious rate of five releases a month. E-I-C, Pat Chillibottom, could not be reach for comment.

Day 2:
Last night was the FSG party. A roto-tiller in a West Virginia coal mine was the only thing more boring at that moment. Rachelynne Hodgeman started the night's festivities with a dedication to the distribution and fulfillment team on a job well done delivering "Life of Pie: The Untold Story of Pastries," which holds strong on the Nonfiction Bestseller List for a 972nd straight week. Caterers ambled through in their beige smocks, serving peanut butter on trisquits and boiled caulliflower.
If boring old "regular" books were mind-numbing, the world of comics was anything but! COMIC BOOKS ARE AMAZING OH MY GOD WHY AREN'T THERE MORE, PUBLISHING HAS NEVER BEEN SO CONFUSED AND IN AWE!!! So after being nudged awake from my slumbering stupor at the FSG party, by a confused News Edition co-anchor, I stopped by the Kool-Aid Komix party, at Marquis, in the hot Meatpacking District. Vampire Weekend performed in Gothic-Lolita attire, and catering included glasses of liquid PCP and seared baby sea lion. Stan Lee was in attendance, having announced a new co-venture with the company (his tenth this year) , called Old Man. I spotted KyotoRock E-I-C Jack Levine doing body shots off Tila Tequila, and a make shift beer bong in the bathroom made out of HellBoy2 posters.

Day 3:
I woke up this morning in the Staples Center parking lot with a sign that read "PEA or (my) bust" stuck onto my chest. I look to have been robbed of my press pass so I give my old friend at Simon & Simon a call to see if she can't lend me her exhibitor badge to get into safe ground. Someone Caller ID-ed as "J. Frey" keeps calling, which must mean I was handing out my drug dealing Japanese hooker business card out last night, by mistake.
I finally get on the convention floor and have a thought:
Is it just me or are not enough people talking about distribution and sales anymore? C'mon people, I want to hear about shrinking margins and co-op.

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