Monday, February 9, 2009

1-800 Ishii-can't-keep-a-phone-to-save-her-life.

My goddamned third iphone, lost to the ether, again. I can't say it was stolen this time, but I left it at a bar late Saturday night and no one can account for it come Sunday afternoon.

I was told to let myself be freed of that tie to humanity, by someone who later showed me an SMS conversation in his iPhone, the nature of which was a throat-choking threeway invitation at 5 in the morning. I told him to give me his phone so he could be "freed." Shit. If I had that in my phone I wouldn't give it up either.

I'd always been so proud of my stories about plenis and plunus, and I never ever blush, but aforementioned David Choe's SMS conversation really took the cake. My craziest SMS conversation was from a guy who on our first date told me his favorite things to do were "scratch lottery tickets and online poker." In other words, a winner. But, quite unexpectedly, the text message he sent me a few days later maintained a poetry and precision of a true artist, and so I'd kept it all these years later.


All caps. And that's the thing you really miss when you lose your phone. This thing is a real loss. The anthropology of cell phones. For example, I spent the worse half of 2006 chained to the tether of sweet digital nothings proffered from a boyfriend who refused to call himself as much. That phone has been long lost. I ordered my very first cell phone on September 10, 2001, for emergencies. Lost. The very first boy I made out with had a 1-800 number for his pager, and I thought that meant he was generous.

Behold treachery.

To commemorate all that is wrong with modern phones, I am getting the weakest, most functionless phone on the market right now. Something with no memory or memories, and no more than 12 buttons.


Assholier Than Thou said...


Michelle said...

If it makes you feel any better, I left my scarf at that bar and had a cold neck all of Sunday night.

Nate said...

best buy stocks this tiny black piece of shit for like 18.99. you can switch in a sim card. that is what i rock. it is identical to the phone i used in mainland china. it is awesome.

ill iterate said...

Michelle, I DO feel better knowing your throat was cold...

(whispering) If you don't cover that throat I'm going to punch you in the tits so hard your nipples will be backne.